Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Marketing Stars Nite - more stuff

I am just feeling so bored!! Feeling so unproductive today! I wonder what time he reached home last night. As expected, this must be the “withdrawal symptoms” from a big (or happy) occasion.
I enjoyed myself last night. In fact, now, I am just recapping what I did at this time last night! I wonder if he saw me as a wet blanket for going home earlier. And why I did have to tell Skee that Grandma couldn’t sleep until I was home??!! I feel like a fool!

I am sorry I got to say this, but I think Grandma spoilt my plans... she huai le wo de hao shi! I could have gone home with him last night in a cab, and be able to finally share some intimate moments together for the first time that night! Bleah!

He leaned his head on my shoulder last night. Although it was a short moment, I could feel all the nerves in my body tingling with excitement and feelings of being loved! Really! The same thing happened when he sort of held me close at my hips to talk to me when we were on the dance floor. Although it probably meant nothing because this was the best way to get a message across due to all the noise, I was ecstatic!

And I thought I vaguely spotted him looking at me while singing “Can't take my eyes off you” – the exact words!

Did I mention that he put on cologne last night? He smelt so good! And, I don't know if I am being over sensitive here, but Qi seems to have the same cologne too! And I seem to have smelt the same scent several times today!

Skee asked how I came to know him and I told him through mutual friends. I regretted not seeing the expression on his face when Skee told him “Not bad, him.” And what did I do? I just laughed it off. AGAIN! This has happened so many times. It's like I don't want people to misunderstand or misinterpret anything so I always say or do something in my defence!

I was quite “angry” when he told Skee this was my first attempt at clubbing. And it was quite amusing when the three reached the underpass linking Shaw Tower and the MRT station coz he told Skee about my foolish thinking about a supposed “statue” when it was only a busker! But, I am so happy he remembered! At least this little incident has become a common memory of the both of us! Now, I just hope these little memories can accumulate!

Can we be considered as having mutual feelings for each other and in the “lian ren wei man” stage or is this just cruelly one-sided again and is purely my fantasizing at work again?? I really hope not coz this is the first time I feel so strongly that my intuition is spot on!

Do I have the courage to confess?

NO.

Do I have the courage to ask him about how he feels about me?

Another big fat NO.

I really hate myself for being so cowardly!

A consoling factor though, I think my interaction skills with guys have improved significantly and I am gradually learning to take my chances as they come. No more play hard to get!!

I really really hope I can see him tomorrow, although I doubt I can lunch with him even if I do, coz I have corporate finance case critique to do!! Again!!!!!! Arrrghhh!!!

I just can't wait for the semester to end and the holidays to arrive. Even if the whole group of us can't go for a chalet, I sure hope this period would be a good opportunity to spend some time together!

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