I am just feeling so bored!! Feeling so unproductive today! I wonder what time he reached home last night. As expected, this must be the “withdrawal symptoms” from a big (or happy) occasion. I enjoyed myself last night. In fact, now, I am just recapping what I did at this time last night! I wonder if he saw me as a wet blanket for going home earlier. And why I did have to tell Skee that Grandma couldn’t sleep until I was home??!! I feel like a fool!
I am sorry I got to say this, but I think Grandma spoilt my plans... she huai le wo de hao shi! I could have gone home with him last night in a cab, and be able to finally share some intimate moments together for the first time that night! Bleah!
He leaned his head on my shoulder last night. Although it was a short moment, I could feel all the nerves in my body tingling with excitement and feelings of being loved! Really! The same thing happened when he sort of held me close at my hips to talk to me when we were on the dance floor. Although it probably meant nothing because this was the best way to get a message across due to all the noise, I was ecstatic!
And I thought I vaguely spotted him looking at me while singing “Can't take my eyes off you” – the exact words!
Did I mention that he put on cologne last night? He smelt so good! And, I don't know if I am being over sensitive here, but Qi seems to have the same cologne too! And I seem to have smelt the same scent several times today!
Skee asked how I came to know him and I told him through mutual friends. I regretted not seeing the expression on his face when Skee told him “Not bad, him.” And what did I do? I just laughed it off. AGAIN! This has happened so many times. It's like I don't want people to misunderstand or misinterpret anything so I always say or do something in my defence!
I was quite “angry” when he told Skee this was my first attempt at clubbing. And it was quite amusing when the three reached the underpass linking Shaw Tower and the MRT station coz he told Skee about my foolish thinking about a supposed “statue” when it was only a busker! But, I am so happy he remembered! At least this little incident has become a common memory of the both of us! Now, I just hope these little memories can accumulate!
Can we be considered as having mutual feelings for each other and in the “lian ren wei man” stage or is this just cruelly one-sided again and is purely my fantasizing at work again?? I really hope not coz this is the first time I feel so strongly that my intuition is spot on!
Do I have the courage to confess?
NO.
Do I have the courage to ask him about how he feels about me?
Another big fat NO.
I really hate myself for being so cowardly!
A consoling factor though, I think my interaction skills with guys have improved significantly and I am gradually learning to take my chances as they come. No more play hard to get!!
I really really hope I can see him tomorrow, although I doubt I can lunch with him even if I do, coz I have corporate finance case critique to do!! Again!!!!!! Arrrghhh!!!
I just can't wait for the semester to end and the holidays to arrive. Even if the whole group of us can't go for a chalet, I sure hope this period would be a good opportunity to spend some time together!
Still feeling a little high and hyperactive from Marketing Stars Nite last night! I had a great time!! And the main reason why I am so happy is because I think I have gotten even closer with him..
Met up with him when I reached the place, and I felt like he was my "hu hua shi zhe" most of the time. And it was like a revelation for me as this was the first time I tried clubbing! And to think he went round broadcasting it!! Haha.. Well, not to everybody lah, just this girl, Skee! And yes, I made a new friend! I always see her around in school, but never knew her name till now.
Also spotted a few people, who looked so different from what they are in school! Seems like they underwent a 180-degree transformation! And, a little lame lah, but Riche Rich left home without his hair gel!! Hahaha!! I must say I didn't really take to his new look initially!
Left around 11.50pm as we went to play pool at Lucky Plaza. Well, I watched Skee, him, R and M play pool. I was enjoying myself and feeling real good coz many times, the interaction with H was so close! And we had even agreed to share a cab home later!
I got the dreaded call from home around 12.45am.. I was ordered to go home asap by Grandma. So, there I was, looking every bit the little girl, who needs to be back home by the stroke of 12 midnight!
The event is finally over.. time to hit the books! But this will definitely add on to my collection of treasured memories...
Phew! Second posting in less than 24 hours! Well, this is to continue with my previous post, which was ruthlessly interrupted with my parents coming home! :(
Seeing GY on TV last night brought back many thoughts and memories. I guess I haven't really put him aside yet. I realised it's really hard to forget about someone, and as I told SM over SMS last night, it's sometimes fun to bring up and reminicise about good times past.
The fact that he's still in my ICQ list (although he might have changed his nick) and that I still have his phone and pager no. (although he has a handphone now) just confirms this fact. I just can't bear to delete all traces (no matter how slight) of him!
I'm just wondering.. if there's no one I am interested in at this moment, would I still be liking him? Very high possibility!
Then, I was reading the old entries in my diary.. How from talking about my feelings for K to, in a rather short span of time, liking him.
Do I view love too lightly? Am I too easy? (flirty??) Perhaps this is the reason why I haven't confessed to any of my close friends about liking him.
The scenario involving these 2 guys is so similar. The guy approaches me first, and says and does things to make me feel something for him. And in K's case, these actions seem to have died down. So is this why I turned to him? For him, it could just be that his actions are taking a little longer and just be over before I know it!
Come to think of it, perhaps I already had feelings for him long time ago, when I first knew him. I admit I was pretty disappointed when I learnt he was attached slightly more than a year ago, during O week. And given that I had just known K then and he seemed so nice and eager, he provided some kind of a welcome distraction from him.
In fact, in my previous entries, I had mentioned that my biggest benefit of joining O Week in 2003 was knowing these 2 guys. And it does help that K is away on exchange this semester, although I was quite upset when I first learnt of it!
I know this is unfair to K, but if he hadn't gone for exchange, would I still feel so strongly towards him? I don't know.
Which brings me to the point: Do I xi xin yan jiu too quickly?
I have often thought about this, but I came to this thinking.. This is probbaly because all my "relationships" had been mere crushes. There was no form of assurance about the outcome. If I had been in a "real" relationship, I doubt I would have felt this way because I think it is so fortunate to have someone who reciprocates your feelings.
That's probably the best defence I can offer for myself!
Want to write a really long entry today.. but just so plain lazy.. and sometimes, it is hard to translate images into pure alphabets. Well, I shall see what I can do here..
Woke up at 10.15am today.. Shiok! Such a rare chance for me to sleep in for at least 8 hours in a week!
Had marketing discussion at BK yesterday. Well, the case is sort of done; just waiting for the presentation on Mon!
Met him at Orchard at around 12.40pm. He decided to shop with me after all! I think it is so funny.. coz he was telling me several times he wanted to go shopping on Sat, and that was after I told him my plans! Well, I sort of guessed what he was up to, but of course, like the usual me, I just acted ignorant! Hahaha!!
He wanted to shop around for a top for Marketing Stars Nite. Perhaps succumbing to peer pressure again, I bought another halter top from Bodynits when I was just thinking of throwing on one of my old tops and perhaps donning on accessories for the event! He settled on a short sleeve blue checkered top from Esprit.
Shan't be too loh so here, but I really enjoyed myself overall, but of course, like any other date, I wish there were some things I should or shouldn't have said or done.. As usual!
Well, I guess it can't be a long blog today.. My parents are back! Need some privacy!! Sighz..
I know it's weird to have 2 highlights.. but I guess I do.. Coz it's hard for me to rank them..
Firstly, I finally took the same 151 bus as him after so long.. Although we din get to talk much, it was good enough already, coz we "sprinted" our way to Bizad!
Before, I talk about the next highlight, there is an anti-climax! I barely passed my FM test 2! Sighz!! Although I had half expected it.. but still, it hurts!
Anyway, back to the highlight! We got an A for our FM term paper 2!! YAAY!! I am just so happy!! The comments? Excellent coverage and Enjoyed your presentation... How's that?
I was a little crazy as I kept talking about it and emphasizing on the excellent part.. haha! It's not frequent I get As you know..
Btw.. I am going for Marketing Stars Nite next Tues.. No prizes for guessing who asked me.. It was quite a surprise coz I was never thinking of going coz I thought none of my friends were keen.. Although I was wondering whether he would go when the lady came to our class to promote the event.
Well, hopefully everything will turn out fine and good. He wants to meet me tmr to go shopping for a top.. And I actually sort of guessed that he was hinting to me about going together, coz he talked about it several times! Haha! But of course, I pretended I didn't know a thing lah!
Well, it's not confirmed yet coz he needs to rush his assignments.. hopefully he can make it tmr! Fingers crossed!
Been blogging so frequently this past weeks.. Just cant help it and please bear with me.. Seems like it's going to be another entry with him as the subject..
Had a rather engaging online chat with him last night.. Been a while since we talked so much online!
But.. there seems to be a start of some "rumours" and teasing within our circle of friends about the two of us. And I better learn to be less uptight when they tease me about him..
I don't like this kind of feeling; it makes me feel awkward all over especially if I see the person. And I will start to get so silly by trying to avoid the person or play down the teasings as nothing! And it wll make things worse if the other party senses it and starts to get awkward as well.. I don't like this!
Read this entry from my friend's blog and it is just so meaningful! Kapo some to place it here..
The most important words are the hardest to say as words diminishes its meanings.
Sometimes we do not need words to express how we feel inside. A simple gesture, smile, eye contact or action can say a million words ... as if there's an inner voice speaking to you through each deed.
Don't ignore the unspoken and unheard. Many times, these are the feelings that runs deep and true.
I know this is a little late, but I just got to write it down!
Remember my earlier entry about my so-called problem? Well, turns out that I worried for nothing..
I ended up watching movie with both him and W. J met us for lunch ealier on.
There were just so many last minute changes. First, he called me at around 10.20am to say we were meeting at Yishun at 11.45am. So it was a mad rush. When I reached Bishan, W called and changed it to singing KTV coz they were running late too.
Then he and I went to check out the 2 KTV and both only opened for business at 2pm..
The final plan was to watch movie.. White Chicks, to be precise.
Met W and J and the 4 of us went to have lunch at S11. Ever the gambler, W suggested getting H to pick some numbers to buy 4D.. haha.. Typical Singaporean behaviour!
Even met S at the betting outlet! Such a coincidence! The numbers were 5120 and 9120, if I didn't remember wrongly..
I even went for an express manicure before the show started! Haha.. Well, looks ok lor, by according to the manicurist, I would need to do a full manicure coz my nails were pretty dry!
The show started around 2.35pm.. Damn hilarious!! he was sitting next to me and W on the outside..
Well, I think I really think too much at times.. What the talk about asking him out in the evening.. Thank God I didn't, coz he already had an appointment, with his family! (not some imaginary girl that I conjured up!) Phew!
I think I did enjoy myself on the whole.. but I wish there was more interaction, but that's how it is with watching a movie I guess.. Shan't complain too much!
You are a XPIT--Expressive Practical Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Manager.You are cool, thoughtful and intelligent. Your approach and your sense of humor are under-the-radar, your charm is undeniable. You keep everything under control. You have distinctive vocal mannerisms. You may not have much interest in approaching strangers, but when you do, you are successful. You will probably end up with someone beautiful, fascinating and off-balance. While your partner may steal the limelight, it's you that keeps things running smoothly and provides stability in your relationship. If you are with someone as contemplative and hard-headed as you, you can have a tough time. Your greatest asset is that you tackle conflict as it rises -- you don't ignore it and let it brew. If you have a partner that *does* let it brew, it will make you crazy! You can find yourself fighting for two -- trying to anticipate your partner's needs and draw their feelings out -- which is exhausting and, well, not your job. You would never cheat. You would make an excellent spouse. When your spouse's friends met you, they would think, "Crap, why couldn't I get that one?"
Of the 133771 people who have taken this quiz, 6.2 % are this type.
Was late again. Was supposed to meet the girls at 8.30am to practise for our FM presentation, only reached at 8.45am. Then, neither of us managed to get the rehearsal going, coz we had a test and presentation in the same lesson! How horrible is that?
That was why on the bus journey, I was deciding between reading my speech or studying my test.. and I chose neither.. I chose to sleep! Seriously sleep-deprieved this few weeks.
9.06am. Test started. The next hour was pure agony. I totally gave up on a 15-mark question. Totally clueless!
10.15am. Presentation started. Phew.. everything went on well. There weren't many questions asked except Howard AGAIN (probably due to the lack of time), and I think all of us answered the questions ok..
Prof Tan even commented that our report this time had "very good coverage", and that "we spent a lot of time" (quoting her exact words!).. Yay!! We sure did spend a lot a lot of time on it! Hopefully we will get a good grade to justify our efforts!
During the next presentation, I switched off. I just couldn't concentrate already, coz our own presentation was over! But obviously, I acted as if I was highly interested and paying attention. Can't be so mean to the presenting group right?
Lesson ended at 12. Walked towards canteen and saw W and him. Wonder if they saw me, but I pretended I didn't coz it was rather awkward to say hi.
They went to a table and had already left when I came back with my food. I just get this feeling that he is avoiding me. Hopefully I am wrong.
Sudden turn of events. As I had hoped, W is actually asking him and other people along to watch movie tomorrow. Yay! Hopefully he can make it!
Well, it's not exactly a dilemna.. it's probably worse! I just can't find a better word to describe the situation..
You know how I have mentioned before that I was looking forward to Sat so I could wish him happy birthday? Things have just taken such a strange turn, and my plans have had to be constantly changed.. I hate this!
My initial plan was to wish him happy birthday on the stroke of midnight on Sat to give him a nice surprise. Then it was changed coz I was worried he might have made plans already. Then my next plan was to sms him on thurs.. to give an excuse that I only remembered his birthday only because of the ICQ prompt..
That plan seemed pretty ok until this morning... I received an sms from W asking if I was free this sat.. I thought we were going out in a group, probably to sing KTV again so I said ok.. And it turned out he wanted to watch movie, and I guess, just the two of us. I am fine with it, but why did everything have to happen at the same time?
So I told him afternoon would be fine, hoping I can leave the evening for him.. But that's not even confirmed yet!!
Perhaps I am thinking too much but I dunno how I should broach the subject to the 2 guys (if that one works out) that I am meeting them one after another... And we all know each other!!
Should I 1) tell W I am meeting him later or 2) tell him I met W earlier on 3) ask W to join in 4) ask him to join in
AND.. what might he think if he knows I agreed to watch a movie with W?? Will he tease me further or worse, misunderstand my intentions??
So my plan now would be to sms him tomorrow and tell him that I remembered his birthday after all (not coz of any prompt) and ask him about his plans. This is so embarrassing!
But if I don't, I might just lose the chance of getting to know him on a deeper level..
Sense the awkwardness??
I am going crazy thinking about this ever since this morning's sms..
And to further aggravate my agony, I seem to be getting advice with regards to what I should do..
The latest CLEO issue ran an article about the consequences of gals who play hard to get with the guy they are interested in.. and the horoscope writeup in i-Weekly mentioned that I should be more pro-active and take the initiative whenever necessary.. How apt advice.. but whether I would heed it is a totally different matter altogether..
Haiz.. if only I could sleep all my troubles away...
I can feel the energy being sapped out of me.. Sounds exaggerated, but I don't know what better word can describe my shagged-ness.
It's the same old story.. even I am sick of repeating myself! So I shan't say.. It bores and tires me even to think about it!
Guess I just have to bear with it for the remaining 4 weeks.. Wish me luck!
The only thing that makes me look forward to school is seeing certain people around.. This has always been the case since.. dunno when.. Gives me added motivation i guess..
Anyway, it was such a nice surprise to see him around yesterday.. coz it was a monday! And saw him twice some more!
The first time, I was rushing for class so didn't go up to say hi.
Then after my sectional (arghhz.. boring with tons of work to do!), we had our project discussion and I saw him in the reflection of the notice board.. How weird! So I thought he was having discussion too..
Finished around 4.10pm and I saw him sitting at one of the benches alone.. Turns out his discussion would only start at 6.. And guess what? The same person (i.e. me) who couldn't wait to go home was also the same person who sat down until his discussion at 6!
Well, I would say.. he was glad I stayed behind and I didn't mind staying behind.. so all's good!
So the both of us were doing our work.. I had better utilize my time well for staying behind!
And I was quite happy he remembered the things we talked about such a long time ago.. like my birthday!! I badly wanted to tell him I remembered his as well!
Well, talking with him really brightened up my otherwise horrible day!
Below average day today.. got back my IFM mid term.. ok lor.. but could have gotten near full marks.. Wasted opportunity..
Haven't seen him in days.. Definitely missing him.. How many times have I had this impulse to pick up my phone and wanting to send him an SMS? Or wondering what he's doing at the moment....... Haiz.. useless thing!
Probably that's why I am feeling so flustered and easily distracted? Really, seeing him or any of my crushes in the past really perked me up, no matter how terrible the day was going to be!
So it is really disappointing for me when I don't see his nick in blue (ie online) on my ICQ.. =(
Well, I cant wait for his birthday to come.. Although I am not bearing hopes of celebrating it with him, I hope his reaction would be a good one! Haha...
Dad and Mum coming back from HK tmr.. heard they got some shirts and a bag for me.. Bag? Then wat abt my Fila bag? Guess would have to use them interchangably.. So unsatisfied! First time I feel awkward receiving a gift..
Horrible times now.. with the never ending projects and tests.. know I shouldn't be complaining all the time, but I just cant help it!
And I felt real sad today.. coz I didn't do as well as I thought I would for my corporate finance mid term!
Was doing my FM report late last night when H msg me at 12.37am.. Got quite a pleasant surprise coz I was online from 8pm and I hadn't seen any sign of him coming online.. Was going to give up.. In fact I was about to go offline when he msg me.. Well, I remained online till abt 2am.. Haha.. wat a sly pig.. me!
Brings me to the title of this post.. pillar of support. Remember our talk abt being "mutually and exclusively dependent" on each other the other time?
Well, since that conversation, we have been venting our frustrations to each other about the damned things that happened in school.. Pillar of support indeed! I just feel it is so heartwarming! True, I could always talk to my gal friends, but they are all in NTU; would be a little hard to relate to my problems.. I like this arrangement..
I have to admit his "appearance" last night certainly cheered me up.. and he was in "NA" status somemore, and he bothered to msg me.. So, I really shouldn't be dao in future..I will take the initiative to msg him even if his status is "away"! Haha!
I just wanna hope everything with his project turns out well after his rushing thru until 6am today..
Feeling so physically, mentally and emotionally drained..
Had financial mkts sectional today.. din really do anything really mentally draining.. just listened to 2 presentations.. but which lasted for 2 hours.. and a lesson which was mainly revision..
Phew! What a horror!
Then had FM project discussion from 12 - 5.30!! Dratz!! And we didn't seem to get much done! Wasn't very different from when we first started.. That's the sickening part.. and we spent so much time!
That teachers always say all info on the Internet should be taken with a pinch of salt really makes sense.. I am really increasing my belief that the Internet has more cons than pros..
There's just so much info.. and majority irrelevant.. to make it worse.. And to think that I treated the Internet as some "wow" and desire not too long ago.. Bleah!!
Slept nearly whole bus journey back home.. my head even tilted and touched the shoulder of the guy sitting nx to me! So paiseh!
Well, I guess the only bright spot in my terrible day is that I saw H, albeit for a split second today and he waved to me.. He had presentation today and he looked pretty smart! Haha..
Came home and yay.. my sis went for her class chalet.. which means i can have the PC and the room to myself tonight!
Know this is so mean of me but I'm not letting this chance slip by.. so i'm chatting with him now! heh heh.. can you sense my craftiness??
True blue Gemini. Prone to bouts of split personality. Loves shopping, not rich enough to enjoy retail therapy yet. Bank balance is not dwindling at the moment but time has become such a precious commodity that I wish my bank balance could dwindle a wee bit more to satisfy my shopping indulgence! sigh~
